Haven’t been writing on here in such a long time – 8 months to be exact. I wish I could say it feels like yesterday, but it doesn’t. I can feel time passing faster, like I can’t even keep up with it, and the past getting more far away day by day. So scaringly far away.
2015 is being a game changer in my life. Much has changed lately and I have changed myself. It’s one of those transitioning years where you’re stuck in between of the past and the future, in a present that feels kind of empty and that you have to fulfill with definitive actions and ultimate choices that may cost your future (and I’m not even exaggerating). I have made my choice, which is to break free from the life I have been living for almost five years now to finally follow my still-not-totally-defined dreams and fly to my favourite place on earth ever, the one I have left my heart at – and probably my soul too – some time ago. And that’s what I’m going to work on for the next months starting from September (got such a hard month ahead, sigh!).
Talking about my heart, it’s funny how life can take new meanings and how we can suddenly find ourselves changed, smiling over a past that probably caused us that change. I think life is all about improving yourself and getting better and better after all that you’ve been through. I mean, what’s the point of keep living if you don’t stop for a while, take a deep breath, think of what you’ve been doing, of your past, be humble enough to stop accusing others and realise your wrongs, your mistakes and learn from them? That’s what I’m doing since one year, more or less, when I decided to stop complaining about what I was going through and actually react to everything that was basically messing me up. I won’t say I would change some things if I had a DeLorean to turn back time; I think everything was right for that time and for the age I was (like me being naively blind in front of a few very clear things, for example), otherwise how could I grow up a little more and get a great, helpful life lesson?
I am currently single, which is something I’m really good at being since I just don’t simply feel the needing of sharing my life – my bed, my stuff, my plans, argh! – with another individual really and I’m the hardest person I know to fall in love/ get interested in someone. Okay, sometimes I may want to get a massive hug, some cuddles and fall asleep like that when I have a bad day but hey, that’s what cookie dough ice cream was made for, and I’ll never be grateful enough to Misters Ben & Jerry for that!
Despite this, I’m having a relationship with myself, which is probably the most important one I’ve ever had. I decided to take care and listen to myself, starting from quitting smoking – at the moment I’m writing I have been smoke free for 24 days, 1 hour, 53 minutes and 20 seconds (the Smoke Free app is amazing!) – and facing my fears, my insecurities and everything I was running from in the last two years by calling random friends and go partying. Being alone is great sometimes, it helps you to get to know yourself better and to actually plan how to get the life you really want, the person you want to be deep inside.
I’m proud of myself for quitting smoking; it made me realise I can do whatever I want. I’ll just have to be strong, be the master of my own life, my future and go get it.
And that’s exactly what I’m going to do from now on.